For me, the only thing worse than realizing that this life may be the only life I get, would be to find out that I squandered my only life living for a future that didn’t…really…. exist….all based on some other human’s (admittedly appealing) hopes, imaginations, or worse….fabrications.
The funny thing is….this realization doesn’t make me want to “eat, drink, and be merry” and live irresponsibly (though admittedly, I’ve always loved food).
Instead, this realization makes me want to live the most moral, authentic, and meaningful life I can with whatever time remains.
Call me crazy, but I’m as happy as I’ve ever been. Warts, scrapes, stumbles and all. Better yet – as hard as it is to let that appealing dream fade….I feel like my feet are more firmly planted on the ground than ever before. Right here. Right now.
I prefer to walk on solid ground than to fly in the clouds. I sleep better down here. And there are so many worthy people to love, and to be loved by….right in front of me. How can I waste a moment of this time pining for someone else’s speculation?
Has it been hard to make this transition? Excruciating at times. Have I hurt and disappointed people? Far too often.
Would I trade my current life for my pre-faith-crisis life?
Not for all the money in the world.
Give me the choice of a beautiful fantasy or a rugged reality….I’ll go with reality. Every. Time.
That’s what faith means to me now. It means living in the now…..as if this moment matters most. Heaven is now.
And yet….this philosophy ultimately seems like the best bet….because we KNOW we have this moment. Tomorrow…..who can really say for sure…other than those who are actually just trying to sell you something?
If it turns out that there really is a life after this one…….BONUS!!!!! But this way, I will not have wasted my one guaranteed life…. ignoring my own inner-voice and wants/needs…squandering my time living someone’ else’s vision for me….and most importantly….I will (hopefully) not not have squandered my time with my loved ones all around me.